In the last post I shared the things that led to me learning how to operate in faith instead of fear. A part of that was learning to do my due diligence so that I would feel better informed in my decisions.
A scary reality is that sometimes we still have to do it scared.
The Stargazer lily has many representations in my life. Not only is it my favorite flower but it reminds me that the smallest things can make a lasting impression. (if you’ve ever handled their seeds you know). I chose to include the lily in my logo for the business because of its beauty and continued representation for how I’ve pushed through fear in my life.
For years I had people speaking business ownership over my life, and for the equivalent number of years, I called people out for trying to speak that level of stress in my life (lol again… If you know you know). So when I chose to live life instead of surviving it, this flower came up for me again.
Do it Scared…
I was absolutely terrified to walk away from my full time, leadership position, with decent pay for my lifestyle. I spent years preparing myself for upward mobility in the workforce and grind culture. I’d been passed up for promotions I was more than qualified for, I’d cried over not being where I wanted to be and the politics of the work I was doing and then one day, I had an epiphany, I couldn’t take it anymore! So I started researching what I could do that allowed me to use my degree and NEVER have to be an employee again.
Did I mention that I was terrified, because if I didn’t… SIS WAS ABSOLUTELY TERRIFIED!
Not only did the fear of leaving the “stability” of full time employment scare me, but the fear of having to share this with my people really shook me up. There were many sleepless nights, tears and anxiety associated with this change, but I just knew I couldn’t stay on the path I was on before. I had to do something, IN SPITE of the fear… I had to do whatever “it” was afraid. Before I moved, I assessed what this would mean for my nuclear family and how to make it work. There were some major hiccups along the way, but ultimately I chose to see this life change as something I can’t fail at.
It’s not failure because I tried.
Even in my fear, I told myself that if I get anything from this change, the experience will be a success. I couldn’t allow my fear of the possibility of the business not working out to keep me from trying. Clearly what I was doing in the moment wasn’t working so anything else absolutely had to be better.
So what is doing my “due diligence”? For me it was taking any reasonable step, to get closer to what I was hoping to accomplish. I took time to really dream about what I wanted to accomplish, talk to people that I knew who made the leap, and change my routines in order to operate in a way that would be similar to the lifestyle I wanted to live.
I would also operate on a 2:1 ratio. For every 2 shifts I spent working for someone else, I would spend 1 shift working for myself. This was the big one. It taught me that I was worth the time that I was investing in someone else’s bottom line. It also taught me, little Black girl from small town SC, that working for myself was an option. I didn’t grow up seeing many Black business owners in my hometown, but now in adulthood, I realized that those who were considered wealthy in our hometown were working for themselves.
Ready or Not…
It’s so easy for fear to hold us captive. It can take the wind out of our sails and the gas out of our motor. However, perception is key. Fear can be seen as a hindrance or as motivation to keep going. I wanted to stop many times. Fear of the outcomes and lack of, what I considered, appropriate knowledge for what I wanted to accomplish slowed me down many times, but I had to change my mindset.
Sometimes the pace at which I desire progress isn’t appropriate for my process. I had to learn to be okay with the slowdown.
I chose not to beat myself up when the outcomes weren’t what I desired. Is it still scary to dive into these experiences head first? Absolutely. However, just because I’m afraid, doesn’t mean i have to stop what I’m doing. My goals matter to me and I believe that my unit will benefit from what I work towards. At minimum, I’m teaching my Littles to go for what they want. At most, my story reaches one person, they find their stargazer lily, and they decide to go for it, scared.
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