In the last 3 years I’ve learned that it’s easy to forget what it feels like to validate yourself when you’ve spent nearly your entire life seeking validation from others. There’s a whole sermon in this but I’ll try to stick to the pertinent points.
Many of my life experiences have involved equal levels of loss and gain. Meaning, while professionally thriving, there were parts of my life that were hitting me with the two-piece spicy. It was hard to realize and own that I was at a point in my life where I needed validation from others and affirmation had become my love language. Looking back I realize that I questioned the validity of the growth in my life because of the way it had begun to correlate with heavy losses.
Now I’m not saying that there’s anything wrong with affirmation as a love language, but I own that I was seeking validation for the wrong reasons and it directly impacted my efforts at improving my own wellbeing.
The transition made sense given the circumstances but it also made me realize that I needed to learn more about affirming and validating myself so that I didn’t put too much value into the thoughts and beliefs of others. Here’s what I’ve learned so far.
1. It’s absolutely possible to be humble AND be proud of your accomplishments. Seeing and stating your growth doesn’t always equate to being arrogant.
2. It’s necessary to understand the difference between validation and input.
3. Know your “why”. PERIODT!
4. Love yourself through it all.
I’d gotten to a point where I didn’t know if I could continue in the direction I was going because I could no longer be validated by the people I thought I needed on that path. Now, in this new season, I am learning to place more value on affirming myself, for myself and making all other opinions on my experiences complimentary. So, now I’m putting it into practice regularly. When I say I hope I make “You” proud. I’m talking to myself.
My hope is that you’ll learn to look in the mirror and do the same.
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